An RE teacher was once instructing her class on the importance of the family and things that money can’t buy. “Money can’t buy happiness, or laughter, or love,” she told them. To illustrate her point, she asked the children: “How much would I offer you not to love your Mom and Dad? A thousand dollars?” The class fell silent. Then a tiny voice spoke up and asked: “How much would you offer me not to love my big sister?” The other children started asking in turn, “How about my Mom’s boyfriend?” And another, “...my step-mom?” Yet another, “...Auntie Vic? She’s mean?” It became obvious to the teacher that she had opened a Pandora’s Box. We can also see that love is much easier vertically than horizontally. We certainly find it easier to claim we love our parents than our brother or sister or any of the individuals that today’s family structure has forced into our lives. Again, it is easier to claim we love God than our neighbor.
Today is the feast of Holy Family—the feast of families, especially the family of God, the Church. Coming right after Christmas, it presents us with the opportunity to reflect on our families. We should sit together as a family tonight and have an honest discussion about the health of our family, how close-knit we are, how much we mirror the Holy family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I’m sure several are worried about today’s family constructions, like that of Tom, Ted and Tim. Certainly, we are to look upon real families, not the mechanical constructions that society and the courts have forced on us. Yet, God’s love and peace goes to all who recognize themselves as His children and seek to do his will, especially during this holy season.
We hold the Holy Family as an ideal family. And the most important thing we can learn today is that it is necessary to strive for an ideal. We do have an idealized conception of Jesus, Mary and Joseph and it wouldn’t be wrong to ask us to live up to that ideal. That is why our Christmas cards with the idyllic nativity scene of the Holy Family, the animals, the manger, the angels and wise men stand out this season. Do you put up the Christmas tree and the paraphernalia around the tree and not worry to live like the Holy Family? Then, tell yourself the truth: You are a hypocrite. We must strive to be holy like the members of that family, obedient to the will of God like the animal companions of Jesus at his birth, detached from material things as represented in the manger, rejoice and carry the good news like the angels, and follow the star of divine wisdom like the wise men who sought out Jesus. The Holy Family stands in contradistinction to many modern families where pride, pleasure, confusion and sin are praised as noble goals.
Lest we forget, life was not completely smooth sailing for the Holy Family. In today’s Gospel, Luke affirms that the Holy family is not a necessarily tension-free family. The members experienced the same complexities, uncertainties, messiness, and worries that comprise everyday family living. For example, in today’s Gospel, we could see Mary at least mildly upset and her words carried some fire: “Son, why have you done this to us?” Like a typical 14 year old who wants to celebrate his coming of age, Jesus answers: “Why were you searching for me?” We are right to read the theological meaning of the statement by Jesus, searching and rediscovering him every day—a central point in Matthew Kelly’s Rediscover Jesus, which we gave out to everyone this Christmas. But perhaps, it didn’t sound very theological to Mary and Joseph who for three days had anxiously searched the entire neighborhood for their lost son. However, like the Holy Family, we should quickly resolve our misunderstandings and continue to grow in wisdom, age and grace before God and man. Happy feast day!
Fr. Chukwudi Jo Okonkwo