The reason why the word “love” is so often misused is not only because of the poverty of our language but also because humans are specialists in turning mystery into a jest. Hence, the teenage girl who justifies moving in with her boyfriend by saying, “I love him” sees no difference between her statement and that of her dad who drops her off at school, kisses her goodbye and says, “I love you;’ or yet another statement by her classmate who says, “I love mission work;” and accordingly, during spring break, chooses to go serve children suffering from kwashiorkor. While an English person will use the same word ‘love’ for the three expressions mentioned above, a Greek person would have used three different words. This makes it difficult to interpret Jesus’ words in today’s gospel, given that our English Bible uses the same word “love” where the Greek Bible says, “agape,” “eros,” or “filia.” In fact, one of the words for love, “eros,” which means sexual attraction never appears in the entire New Testament; and while “filia” (affection or friendship) in all its variations appears 45 times; “agape,” which means divine or sacrificial love is found 320 times. So, whenever I say “love,” in the course of this reflection, I say it with tongue in cheek.
Jesus didn’t just blurt out the word, “I love you” as we so often hear today—from celebrities, for whom “I love you” means, “Buy my line of products, or music, or vulgar and tasteless jokes, or primed body poses;” or from politicians, for whom it means, “Give me your vote and your money;” or from every pimp out there or lustful man or woman, for whom “I love you” means, “I want your body as apparatus for money or pleasure.” Jesus tells us that He draws His love for us from His Father—“As the Father loves me, so I also love you” (John 15:9). It may sound clumsy to say, but next time you want to truly tell someone that you love them, you can use Jesus’ formula and say, “As God loves you, so also I love you.” By saying so, you’ve told the person that you’re not after their body as a tool for pleasure, nor are you interested in their approval or whatever else they can do for you. This is love made in heaven; love free from deceit, greed and domination. It is the only way that Jesus instructs us to love one another.
The tragedy is that many persons, including followers of Christ have never genuinely loved another with the love of God. Many live under the illusion that they have deep affection for another while it’s only their ego that is “projected into the other person” (F.J Sheen). What follows is only impulse—like desiring to eat only the frosting on the cake while ignoring the cake. As the sugar that coats the cake cannot transform into cake, so pleasure cannot replace love. It is out of the overabundance of His love and to fulfill His own design that the Divine Lover chose to coat even eros with pleasure. For without the pleasure of eros, humans may never engage in it and procreation would be hampered. As I once heard someone say, but for the pleasure in it, the sexual act could be utterly repulsive both for the energy it saps and the awkwardness of its position. Who can offer to drink a shot of another’s saliva? That explains why rape which compels another to engage in the sexual act is criminal. Although eros generates tremendous thrill, it is also the greatest cause of anxiety, depression and neurosis that afflict the multitude to whom lust and love are identical relations. How many lives have been wrecked by eros? How many children have died in the abortion mill as a result of this mismatch? How many are left without a father or guardian? Eros has dominated our literature, our politics, and worst, our schools. Our sight and sound are insulted steadily in the siege.
But the love of God is greater than human mind can imagine. St. John reminds us that love is not just a feeling or an idea, but a person. “God is Love. He who abides in love abides in God and God in him.” Let us love one another!
Fr. Chukwudi Jo Okonkwo