Anyone who doubts that Jesus founded a community (church) after His own heart to which we’re called to belong, should pay close attention to today’s gospel. This gospel passage has been called a “Dissertation on the Church,” meaning that, yes, Jesus wanted to found a Church, organized with set rules and guidelines for conduct and behavior. He clearly lays out how to deal with individuals—members of family or the faith community—who engage in quarrels and disputes.
What do we do when someone gets crusty with us, starts a fight, becomes downright nasty and rains insults on us? As members of the animal species, the natural tendency is to give it squarely back to them. And that’s how it works in human society, too. But Jesus thinks that you and I—members of a faith community—should adopt a different approach.
The first approach, often the only one needed in nine out of ten cases is to go to that person and tell him or her how we feel. I’ll add that this cannot be done in anger—to tell her off; but, as St. Paul teaches in the second reading, it should be done out of the debt of love we owe each other. In today’s culture of sturdy moral individualism and relativism, this move has to be understood as counter-cultural, as Christianity has been through the ages. We do so not to cower to the person’s aggression but from the standpoint of Christ who came to save us even when we were ignorant of our crimes. Do not underestimate that Christ’s healing truth can touch someone in need through us. Here, approach matters. Though truth may hurt, when spoken gently and in love, it can be a soothing balm for even a coarse heart. Pray to use the right words.
The common approach, in which the offended wait for apologies leaves us broken, even as the offender goes to bed unconcerned, or at times unaware that they hurt us. Anger and depression team with the offender to ruin us. Jesus says: “Go to that person.” Shirk the gossip which we often prefer: telling every single person except the one we ought to tell. Gossip grows from one person to another, and to another who tells another, with the story getting more exaggerated as it is drawn out, and the offence looking worse and worse. Gossips poison families, neighborhoods and even Churches. When you gossip, you’re not necessarily telling a lie. Sometimes it’s falsehood, and called calumny. But most gossips are exaggerated facts (truth) told to people who have no business knowing them. Facts, we know, are raw data and very often mitigated by circumstances. Many marriages and friendships have been destroyed by gossip. Rather than discuss marital issues with one’s spouse, or as Jesus proposed—as the next approach—with one or two reputable persons, many couples would first discuss them with so-called friends, or someone who would aggravate the situation. Hence, for flimsy reasons, a couple who swore love and fidelity to each other at the altar end up shouting insults to themselves as they march to the marriage-destroying courts all over the land.
Jesus’ final solution to discord among believers is to tell the Church. Tell your priest, your godfather or mother, or a believing counsellor. When you need to amicably resolve life issues, lawyers should be last on the list.
What if nothing changes after you’ve exhausted all these options? Jesus says: “Treat the fellow like a Gentile or tax-collector.” Jesus isn’t asking us to wait patiently till we see them burning in hell? No! How did Jesus treat the Gentiles and tax-collectors? He won them over and made them disciples—like the Samaritan woman, like the tax collector, Matthew, who gave us the words of today’s gospel, and like the Good Thief, today in paradise. I give St. James the final words: “Whoever brings a sinner back from the error of his ways will save his (own) soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins” (James 5:20).
Fr. Chukwudi Jo Okonkwo